You question yourself, or someone questions you...what do you say? What can you say? Are you saying the right thing to not hurt? Or are you just answering the question because you have to, and you give a non-committal answer?
Sometimes, questions are retorical; they have no answer...why? Why did it happen like this, or like that...what went wrong? Sometimes, retorical questions have an answer...then you wonder, weeks, months, years later, why...again...it normally hits when you're lying in bed, alone, in the dark...you look over, and you see...nothing...you feel...nothing...
The sun's shining, you wake up...but you don't want to...you know the pain's only goign to be there again later that night...you plod along, you do what you have to do...and more questions are asked...or you start asking questions too...why?
What is the next course of action?
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Who Is The Black Chinaman?
- Nick
- Kuala Belait, Brunei
- Saving someone's life is like falling in love. The best drug in the world. For days, sometimes weeks afterwards, you walk the streets, making infinite whatever you see. Once, for a few weeks, I couldn't feel the earth - everything I touched became lighter. Horns played in my shoes. Flowers fell from my pockets. You wonder if you've become immortal, as if you've saved your own life as well. God has passed through you. Why deny it, that for a moment there - why deny that for a moment there, God was you? I realised that my training was useful in less than ten percent of the calls, and saving lives was rarer than that. After a while, I grew to understand that my role was less about saving lives than about bearing witness. I was a grief mop. It was enough that I simply turned up. Living and working back in Brunei, after a 14 year absence... Also known as: Brunei, NASA, Bruise-Eye, Bru, Cheesecake, Nick, BruNick, BruMedNick, Two Step etc etc etc
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